September 8, 2009

Musings from a Mall

This is a conversation I had while standing in line (for 40 minutes!) at Wal-Mart.

Me: Excuse me, how old are you?

Little boy with green mohawk in the next line: I'm five.

Me: Wow you are so lucky! I had to wait till I was twenty before my mom would let me wear a mohawk.

Mother of mohawk boy: That's what my mother said too. So I decided when I had him not to be like that. It's only hair, it'll grow back.

Indeed. Words to live by.

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I think that shopping malls should employ a two-tier parking system: an area for monstrous, genetically enhanced SUVs, pick-up trucks that are taller than they are wide, Hummers outfitted to take over small countries, really expensive sports cars, suburbans and "mini"-vans (that aren't that mini at all) and a separate area for for moderately sized vehicles that everyone else drives.

Invariably, these vanity vehicles take up the entire stall (in some cases, two or three!) or two huge vehicles will sandwich in a smaller car, making door opening or backing out very dangerous. I know that when most malls were designed decades ago the wider (and taller) vehicles were rarer and not taken into consideration at the planning stages, but this understanding does not diminish the desire to key (or worse!) the offending vehicles.

You know the more I think about this its not so much about parking spaces (although I suspect that they are getting narrower to accommodate more patrons) than it is about being considerate to others. Judging by the glares and profanities being uttered (by everyone) while trying to park or leave the corral proves that we have lost some of the niceties that used to make malls tolerable.

And to the fellow in the grey tricked out pick-up who lost the lights on his roof (but picked up some very nice scratches) when he tried to force his truck under the bar that said "max height 6ft": perhaps you should just deal with having a small penis.

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