January 19, 2009

Tales from da Hood

On Friday morning I awoke with some allergies. Not unusual but this morning I had the runny nose and teary eyes that would not quit. I think the rapid weather change had something to do with this.

Well, I am working away at some design work, trying to ignore the tears/runny nose so I could get the file off before noon when I noticed two well dressed ladies walking up to the house. Data was busy chewing on a bone so I knew he was not going to answer the door so I did.

"Good morning," chimed the elderly but extremely well heeled and coiffed ladies. "How are you this fine day?"

"Super," I said as cautiously as I could while sniffling.

"We are going around trying to encourage Bible study in the neighborhood. Are you religious?"

"No," said I, again sniffling.

"Have you noticed that there is a lot of turmoil in the world? An economic crisis, war in the Middle East, poverty, disease, a breakdown in the family unit?"

"Sounds like business as usual. There is always economic crisis and poverty and disease and the Middle East has never been without a war--"

"But don't you see, this is different. Oh what a lovely dog--"

Data stuck his head out of the open door, bone in mouth. When he realized that the ladies were not there to take said bone, he went back in to continue gnawing in comfort on the carpet at my office door.

"Don't you see how everything was created by a higher intelligence? Look at the tree, no engineer could have come up with such an intricate structure-- my dear are you having a breakdown??"

It was at that moment that I could no longer stop my eyes from tearing up (the wind was aggravating my allergies too) so I wiped them away with my hand.

"No, its just my allergies and contacts having a disagreement..." I replied.

The two ladies shared a knowing look (read: she is ripe for the picking) when I heard the back door ring. Thinking it was my business partner I excused myself to answer it.

It was two extremely well dressed men, of the same vintage as the ladies at the front door.

Before either one could say a thing I snapped "Are you with the ladies at the front?"

"Oh my," was the collective chuckle, "They beat us here. Sorry to bother you." And they left.

The ladies (whom I shall call Myrtle and Pyrtle) had overheard and laughed "Oh those were our husbands. We shall reprimand them later! Now my dear," said Myrtle, leaning in for the kill, "If we left you some literature would you read it?"

"Sure," I said wearily. I just wanted them to leave.*

"We'll be back next week to be sure. God bless you!"

Andrew is looking forward to their visit. I am going to let him do all the talking.

*This is an abbreviated version of the visit, which lasted about 15 minutes. I cut out most of the dialogue that made me look foolish, which, in retrospect, was the entire conversation. My ability to reason and argue seemed to have disappear when they arrived. Perhaps I need to think of them as family members if I am to argue with them.

No comments: